One of the most challenging aspects of being a Restorative Justice facilitator for me is inviting people who have harmed to take some accountability, and to understand the impacts of their words and actions on those they harmed.
We’ve all been there, in a place where we’ve hurt someone, and we all know how hard it is to face up to it, to see ourselves as someone who can cause others’ pain, to feel the shame of having lashed out, lost control, in ways we can’t undo. But still, there is often little sympathy or support for those who harm–we tend to isolate, shun and punish, rather than reach out to better understand the root causes of someone’s actions, and what they need to change course.
This is especially the case for those who engage in harm that we call inter-personal violence or domestic violence. In a second great piece in Yes! Magazine in collaboration with the California Health report, Claudia Boyd-Barrett describes the lack of services for those who harm:
Most domestic violence interventions focus on helping survivors, often requiring them and sometimes their children to upend their lives by seeking shelter and safety. Far fewer resources are dedicated to helping the people causing the harm to stop what they’re doing, says Jordan Thierry, a consultant for the Alliance for Boys and Men of Color.
These people may realize they need help, he said. But the programs that exist, traditionally called “batterer intervention programs,” are usually court-mandated and not financially accessible or tailored to people who haven’t been convicted of a crime. Therapy is another option, but many people don’t have the health coverage or money to afford it, or struggle to find therapists they can relate to.
Thankfully, a new resource, A Call for Change, now available in California, provides support and prevention-services specifically designed for those who harm. It’s free, voluntary, confidential and anonymous. People who reach out for help can speak to a trained practitioner who will guide them through a conversation to help them think through their actions and their impacts, to de-escalate themselves, to seek other resources for help.
While it may be controversial to consider taking calls from those who might do harm without the ability to directly intervene, the folks at A Call for Change have set up their helpline with the goal of reaching most people:
All calls are anonymous. Because they’re routed through an operator, responders have no way of knowing who the caller is or where they’re calling from, unless the person chooses to disclose that information. This is important, said Patrissi, because most callers are very worried about being reported to the police and the impact that could have on their lives or their families. Without reassurance that their identity is protected, they won’t feel comfortable speaking freely and honestly with the responder, which would deprive them of the opportunity to get help....
I attended the training for A Call for Change last fall at RYSE Youth Center in Richmond, CA., which is featured in this article, and I really appreciated being surrounded by people who get why supporting those who harm is so important. I was also grateful for the guidance that was shared and the best practices:
Callers to the helpline talk to a responder trained in trauma-informed and transformative justice principles. That means the responder doesn’t judge or shame the caller but has a respectful and compassionate conversation that aims to help them gain insight into their own beliefs and behaviors, and recognize patterns of control, manipulation, and violence that are harming their relationships.
Callers are not absolved of their violence, Patrissi emphasized. Responders guide people causing harm to move beyond denial and blame so that they can understand the impact of their actions and take responsibility. Responders then help callers develop strategies for being a safer person for their loved ones to be around. Often, this occurs over several hours-long phone sessions, Patrissi said. Callers frequently call back multiple times.
It was also amazing to hear from practitioners who are on the front lines of this work, from organizations like the CHAT Project, Black Women revolt Against Domestic Violence and Stand! For Families Free of Violence.
The hotline also takes calls from fathers, sons, partners, and colleagues of those who are committing acts of harm:
About half of the callers to the helpline are family members, friends, or professionals seeking assistance in dealing with a person engagedin intimate partner violence. Responders provide guidance on how they can talk to the person they’re concerned about and can also offer referrals to services.
At the training, we role-played ways to gently point people in the direction of the hotline, to build on their desire to reach out, talk to someone, to seek help. Now that the hotline is available for California, with culturally appropriate responders and a better understanding of local resources, I hope we can help spread the word about this powerful resource.